Sandi's Vlog

The Loves of Our Lives

 
I believe that we each have a different path to follow. Some will be blessed with one love, a love that stands the test of time and carries those involved through times of trials and times of utter joy. They are truly blessed. My parents had such a journey.

Others are blessed with more than one love of their lives. I fall into this latter category. For me a ‘love of my life’ is defined as a love that encompasses a depth of caring and understanding that previously was unknown; a love that allows you the experience of utter joy and perhaps the knowledge of devastating anguish; a love that allows you to grow; a love that leaves you changed in a positive way as a result.

A year and a half ago, I was blessed to meet one of the loves of my life. He came into my world like so many do, on an ordinary day that turned out to be extraordinary. Ours was a passion that could not be denied, one that was realized during our very first hello. Ours was a love that offered me utter joy and happiness during its brief existence, but then, without warning and with no explanation … he left. My attempts to gather information, to gain clarity were ignored, and I was left wondering if I had mattered at all. I condemned myself for being a fool, doubted my own instincts, and hurt for a long, long time.

But last week, out of the blue, he contacted me via email. He apologized for not answering my questions so long ago and shared that he knew, as I did, that I deserved answers and that he was now willing to give them to me. He halted my prodding to give answers via email or over the phone and insisted on a face-to-face meeting. That meeting took place on earlier today.

I arrived at the determined meeting place first. On the way, I questioned why I was even bothering, why I was giving this man who I mattered so little to the chance to hurt me again. Finally, I resolved that I had no idea why I was there. I just knew I had to be, and then he arrived.

We bantered for a while, brought each other up to speed on our lives and enjoyed the comfortable exchange. Finally, he offered the information I had come to hear … and I was floored. You see I am an ‘intense personality’ to say the least. My native spirit name translates into ‘Red Thunderbolt Woman’, and my best friend jokes that my anger is exactly like the lightning bolt I am named after – swift, intense, direct, then done. When he shared what he had come to share, I felt the anger boil inside me. I struggled to contain the intensity, even though every ounce of my being wanted to lash out, to strike and to injure. As he bravely spoke, the realization came to me – the timing, his justifiable concern, and … his total lack of choice.

I shared with him information he needed to hear and admitted to him … that I would have done the exact same thing. For you see, I have no doubt in my mind that if he had shared this information with me at that time, I would have lashed out and we would have ended our relationship, that minute of that day.

Then I shared how I had spent a year and a half thinking I didn’t matter. I shared the utter respect I had once felt and once again felt for this man who could have so simply walked away without a second thought. Instead, he chose to reach out, he dared to endure my wrath, to give me the answers I so wanted and in doing so, he showed me how much I did matter to him, then and now.

Our encounter ended and I drove home. On the way, I decided that tonight I would sit down and write this entry. Then I would take a glass of wine, sit in the silence in front of my fireplace, and honour our love and the memories with reflection. They deserve that. He deserves that, as much as I deserved to know.

I took so many lessons from our meeting and was left with a renewed appreciation of the man I had the privilege to know and love. Thank you, Tim, for being the man you were then, and the man you are now.

 
I love you!
HUGSSSSSSS
Sandi