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Hey Mom …

TRIGGER WARNING: Post includes references to SIDS (crib death).

 
So, tell me, how did you do it? That morning that I sat with you and explained to you how I had found Fallon cold and lifeless in her crib, how did you stay so strong? How did you hold me and watch my heart break? How did you know what to say? How did you know when to be silent, and how much did you cry when you got home?

I so needed you that day. I can’t imagine having turned to anyone else. You were my Mom, and only you could make it better. So today, I write this note and once again ask for your help …

Did I do okay Mom? Did I say the right things as I watched her heart break? Did I stay quiet at the right times? Did I hug her long enough? Did it hurt you this much to watch me hurt?

I pray I did a good job. I pray at these times I was the comfort, the light in the dark that you were to me. I pray I had the right words and that my hug minimized her pain in some small way, even if just for the briefest of seconds.

Sitting here now writing this note, even amid all our pain … I can’t help but realize, not only am I still turning to you but somehow, you are still here.

I love you, Mom. Pray for us, pray for us all, and pray for me.

 
I love you!
HUGSSSSSSS
Sandi