If you are brave enough to let Creator guide how it happens, you might just get what you want…
Years ago, I left this city. I had been a jingle dress dancer. I had been a wife. I had been a full-time Mom. I was none of those things anymore. I abandoned all of that when I got on the plane. My kids understood and wished me well. After all, they had their own adventures to undertake, so off I went to heal, to learn, and to grow.
It wasn’t until I returned and began chatting with the friends of old that I had my revelation, my realization that the old me had not been designed by me, but rather was a direct result … of my husband’s wishes.
You see, my ex was a traditional man, a traditional drummer and dancer. For a wife, he wanted and needed a woman that sewed and beaded and danced, someone who walked a traditional path, and someone who would be a good partner for him, so I set out to do all that. Thanks to the gentle guidance of my Elders, I realized that I may not have known the specific teachings, but that didn’t change the fact that I already was a traditional woman, raised by a strong and proud Anishnaabekwe (Ojibwe woman). I learned to bead, and I learned to dance, but in the end, it wasn’t meant to be.
He left and I turned my back on the world that was never my decision.
Then … the passing of my Mother. Through my grief, I realized I wanted to return. I wanted to dance again, so the planning began. With the date nearing, the complications began. My son couldn’t be there, then my daughter. Would I have my cheque in time to buy all I needed? The stress was INTENSE. Could I really do this alone without my children for support? And the fan, would it even be done in time? Through the stress, I remembered that everything happens for a reason. I came to terms with my kids not being there and understood without malice just why. My cheque arrived, and I beaded as fast as I could to prepare for my day.
As it was meant to, it happened. In accordance with my traditions, today I re-entered the dancing circle. A friend played an honour song for my mother, and I danced. Not because it was expected, but because it IS the woman I am. I held the fan that I enjoyed beading, and I followed the traditions that are now as much a part of me as my internal organs, and I smiled the smile of a woman who is now standing EXACTLY where she was always meant to be.
Tomorrow I will return for the final day of the Pow Wow and I CANT WAIT! The drums are amazing, the songs beautiful, the regalia breathtaking, and the smile on my face – REAL!
I love you!
HUGSSSSSSSS
Sandi
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